Director: Brendan Steere
Performers: Greg Cohan, Alyssa Kempinski, Aurelio Voltaire, and Fernando Pacheco De Castro
When young priest Doug Jones (Greg Cohan) witnesses his parents’ deaths, he begins to question his faith. On a mission of self-discovery, he travels to China only to encounter an ancient artifact that gives him a spectacular superpower: the ability to shift into a Velociraptor when angry. Now even more conflicted, he embarks on a quest to live with his powers. Little does he know that a mysterious band of ninjas are trailing his every move.
Where do I start with The VelociPastor? It’s a B-movie with feeling, satirizing religion, Kung-Fu movies, and monster movies. It’s full of dark comedy and meme-worthy moments. It’s low budget in a good way.
And Be sure of this: The VelociPastor is destined for cult status. It’s already making waves in horror circles, and garnering writer/director Brendan Steere loads of sudden attention. His nods to the audience and genre are affectionate and heartfelt in the way only small budget films can afford. It’s a breath of fresh air.
It’s got so many great moments, including a cameo from the legendary musician and gothic homemaker himself Aurelio Voltaire! Best of all, a pastor who turns into a velociraptor. Just watch that trailer and then see if you can honestly say I’m wrong.
Seriously, what’s not to love?
Warning: Spoilers ahead!
The Velocipastor is the kind of movie you come across every so often that revels in B-movie humor and over-the-top situations for maximum hilarity. It doesn’t take itself seriously, and it’s a hilarious romp through dark humor as Doug becomes a Velociraptor vigilante, deals with his coworker Father Stewart (Fernando Pacheco De Castro) believing he’s possessed by a demon, encounters a disastrous exorcism attempt by Altair (Aurelio Voltaire) and battles ninjas with a romance in the middle of it all. The effects are hilariously low budget, think using a medical exam chair from a doctor’s office instead of an actual hospital bed, and the gore even more so. But this is what gives it charm. If you’re a fan of movies like Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter (2001), you’ll enjoy this one a lot. It has similar themes and quotable lines with some bizarre situations that made me laugh aloud. It’s not a clever social commentary like Young Frankenstein (1974) or a gore humor like Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995).
The positive about this approach is that the film makes so many tongue-in-cheek choices that even elements that may seem like problems can be explained away as directorial choices. It’s a fun movie, but it’s targeting a very specific demographic.
The Velocipastor is now available on digital and DVD as of August 13th.
Rating: 4/5
The VelociPastor is now available to rent or own. There’s no excuse to put off this gem. Rent it tonight and watch with a friend and your adult drink of choice. You’ll thank me later.
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